can’t see it? message me to get on my approved list.

yesterday, an old man came through the line. as i was scanning his items , he caught a glimpse of my wedding ring. he said my husband did really well with the ring, and that it was “scintillating.” lol. ehe kept repeating that a couple of times.. after he left, eric (other employee) turned around and just looked at me. “did he really just say that?!”

i knew what the guy was trying to say (and he was totally right), but it was just a bizarre complement that was completely out of left field.

(btw, for those who don’t know what it means, here’s what the dictionary says:)

and here’s the ring. it really IS sparkly.

for those of you reading my blog (not on facebook), you’ll notice that i’ve changed my site’s look. i’m still not too happy with it, and am in the process of building my own from scratch. we’ll see how that works out.

is anyone even out there anymore? i have so many ideas for this blog, but don’t want to move forward if i don’t have active readers.

and if you are out there, still enthralled, let me know what you want to read about. i want to give my blog a sense of purpose — a direction of sorts. writing about my life is fun, but i’m sure boring to everyone else. if there are topics you want to read or learn about, just let me know! i’m happy to oblige.

one thing that has been suggested is posting my poetry and my short stories. another friend said to write more entertainment world news. would anyone be interested in either? just let me know, i suppose.

loves and AOT,
–jen

i know i haven’t posted for a few days; it’s been crazy around here.

much to say, no time to say it in, so expect an update tomorrow.

loves and AOT,
–jen

the past few days have been an absolute blur.

alex and i went to see “cloverfield” friday night. in most ways, the movie lived up to all the hype. in others, it fell a little short (like the way the monster looked. oooh. scary.)

despite the shaky cam action, i am pretty sure this can be called my favorite monster movie. i loved the suspense and intensity of the story. the pace was right on track with a movie of this genre. granted, they should have ended it five minutes before they did (helicopter, anyone?), but the last two lines of the film cinched it for me.

basically, if you’re not prone to motion sickness, then GO SEE IT. (and if you are, take a dramamine and suck it up).

hmmm… what else? i worked all weekend. did some longaberger stuff friday evening (my oft-forgotten second/third/fourth job—check out my family’s picture in the spring wish list… we’re adorable!) and worked at the store saturday and sunday.

it was mostly training stuff, but by sunday evening, i was up at the register. i am happy to report that the people seem to be really nice, and the surroundings are MORE than up my alley. i. love. it.

i did have a flash of anxiety when i first showed up saturday (everyone was coming on/off shift at once) and i just got really overwhelmed. i didn’t say too much, and i’m pretty sure they maybe thought i was weird or something, but i’ve talked to quite a few of them since then, and seem to like me just fine. maybe they didn’t notice the “freeze”…

the anxiety thing is getting better, slowly. we’re taking it all one day at a time. the fact that i went and got yet another job (that will actually pay me something decent) has really calmed my head about bill-related issues. i’m not afraid to go to see bank statements anymore. i can actually go check the mail myself.

you may laugh at that, but i seriously couldn’t get myself to do it, because i was terrified of what would be there. don’t get me wrong. we’re not in financial trouble, and we’ve never been late on a payment. it’s just seeing all those numbers pile up just overwhelm me, especially when i don’t think i can do anything about the smaller number in the bank account, and the long list of bills stacking up to be paid…

anxiety is a fickle thing. it can be set off by something stupid, like a food you ate, a song or sound, a movie or color on the wall. it’ll trigger a thought process you can’t slow down. it’s a horrible condition that leaves you scared of the everyday.

fortunately, i’m figuring out a way to get myself better with things. i’m cutting down the amount of interaction i have with the people and places that kick off the anxiety. i’m getting myself busy with activities that matter (hello, multiple jobs). i’m not taking medication for it, because it only seemed to accelerate the symptoms (once, i almost had to go to the hospital because of it—yes, this shit is serious.)

(time for a subject change)

steve came up saturday to see me for my first day of work! (he really came up to hang out with alex for the day, but he hung around after i got home so i could have some fm zurg interaction!)

OH. and i can’t believe i forgot this. the BIGGEST part of my weekend. omg.

riley went to the vet for her 19 week booster shots. (she did so well with them, until she threw up on me in the car on the drive home. twice. that’s another story though…)

we’ve been noticing a “bubble bump” on/around her vagina. of course, being a puppy, things are constantly growing and changing, so we really didn’t pay much mind to it. my mom chalked it up to an enlarged clitoris, figuring she would be going into heat early. sucky, but whatever.

yeah. TOTALLY not the case.

was talking to the vet (some 20-something vet doctor, still wet behind the ears) and she was quite rude at first. she probably just wanted to get the shots done and move on, but she could have been pleasant while she worked. really.

i asked about the “bubble bump”. doc said it could be a tumor. probably a bad one. (great bedside manner) she flipped the dog up to look. she felt up my dog. she’s baffled at this point. apparently, a tumor would be a different consistency than what she was feeling. she has no diagnosis. she has no idea. she’s never seen it before. confusion and panic sets in her face. it transfers to mine. she confers with her vet books in the back.

i suggest hermaphrodite, half joking. one of the nurses giggle. vet comes back. looks. leaves. another nurse comes in. she confirms my suspicions, with a twist.

apparently, my darling riley is a female pseudohermaphrodite. normally, female hermaphrodites (i’m speaking in terms of dogs) feature a vagina and testicles in some form (instead of ovaries). my dog has her ovaries (as best they can tell) and of course, she has a vagina, but she has a not-quite-so-developed penis growing out of her vagina. (yes, out. of. it.)

in all seriousness, there are numerous concerns with this condition that i don’t really want to get into right now. she goes in for her spaying on the fourth, and they’ll have a surgical specialist in to remove the penis then. even though it’s not causing her any pain or problems now, it could in the forseeable future, so it’s best to catch it early. it may seem silly to you all, but riley is like my child, so please pray for her as she goes under the knife in a few weeks.

loves and AOT,
–jen

The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling.

If I could have one extravagant thing in this world (outside of food, clothes, shelter, etc.) it’d be this book.

loves and AOT,
–jen

p.s. yes, there are spoilers. yes, there are pictures of the actual book. yes, it’s awesome.

so i was reading my news feeds, and came across this.

apparently, the university of michigan is offering a “how to be gay: male homosexuality and initiation” class.

GAY AND LESBIAN STUDIES? they
are people, not species you study. the intent is good, but to have you
pay for credit hours to learn how to be a better gay seems a little off
to me. plus, INITIATION? it’s a club now? WTF?!?!

Here’s the link, in case you’re curious.

loves and AOT,
–jen

p.s. here’s the course description:

(start)
ENGLISH 317. Literature and Culture.

Section 002 — How to be Gay: Male
Homosexuality and Initiation.

Credits: (3; 2 in the half-term).

Instructor(s): David M Halperin (halperin@umich.edu)

Course Description:

Just because you happen to be a gay
man doesn’t mean that you don’t have to learn how to become one. Gay
men do some of that learning on their own, but often we learn how to
be gay from others, either because we look to them for instruction or
because they simply tell us what they think we need to know, whether
we ask for their advice or not.

This course will examine the general
topic of the role that initiation plays in the formation of gay male
identity. We will approach it from three angles: (1) as a sub-cultural
practice — subtle, complex, and difficult to theorize —
which a small but significant body of work in queer studies has begun
to explore; (2) as a theme in gay male writing; and (3) as a class project,
since the course itself will constitute an experiment in the very process
of initiation that it hopes to understand.

In particular, we will examine a number
of cultural artifacts and activities that seem to play a prominent role
in learning how to be gay: Hollywood movies, grand opera, Broadway musicals,
and other works of classical and popular music, as well as camp, diva-worship,
drag, muscle culture, taste, style, and political activism. Are there
a number of classically ‘gay’ works such that, despite changing tastes
and generations, all gay men, of whatever class, race, or ethnicity,
need to know them, in order to be gay? What is there about gay identity
that explains the gay appropriation of these works? What do we learn
about gay male identity by asking not who gay men are but what it is
that gay men do or like? One aim of exploring these questions is to
approach gay identity from the perspective of social practices and cultural
identifications rather than from the perspective of gay sexuality itself.
What can such an approach tell us about the sentimental, affective,
or subjective dimensions of gay identity, including gay sexuality, that
an exclusive focus on gay sexuality cannot?

At the core of gay experience there
is not only identification but disidentification. Almost as soon as
I learn how to be gay, or perhaps even before, I also learn how not
to be gay. I say to myself, ‘Well, I may be gay, but at least I’m not
like that!’ Rather than attempting to promote one version of gay identity
at the expense of others, this course will investigate the stakes in
gay identifications and disidentifications, seeking ultimately to create
the basis for a wider acceptance of the plurality of ways in which people
determine how to be gay.

Additional note. This course is not
a basic introduction to gay male culture, but an exploration of certain
issues arising from it. It assumes some background knowledge. Students
wishing to inform themselves about gay men and gay culture in a preliminary
way should enroll in an introductory course in lesbian/gay studies. (end)

britney conquered her mountain at a fairly early age. the sky was the limit… fancy clothes, tons of money, a beautiful boyfriend, hit singles, awards, fame. even the small stumbles backwards couldn’t stop her leaps forward. by the time she got married, she was at the top. two babies and a failed marriage later, her decent was iminent. regardless, i don’t think that anyone could predict how fast she would tumble down…

and just when we thought she couldn’t get any lower, she kept finding more ground towards the bottom.

through the shaved head, the stints in rehab, the boys, the booze, the plethora of laywers, lack of seatbelts, bare feet and craziness, we watched in horror. britney is now at the top of the morning to-do list, like brushing teeth or drinking coffee. you can’t turn on tv, open a paper or surf the internet without her “most” shocking daily moments being splashed in front of us.

this morning, for me, that was no different. pictures of her being carted away in an ambulence flowed in front of my eyes. i sat there, saddened, wondering why anyone could let this insanity get so far… especially in the public eye!

my question is this: where’s the point of no return? when did she stop climbing the mountain of life’s success, and start falling down the hill into the abysmal life she’s leading now? how can we prevent it from happening to us?

she has the money and the entourage to help her through this, and even SHE can’t seem to get it together. it appears that only death will bring her the peace she needs in her life.

let me say this: i’m not wishing that for her at all, but just looking at some of the famous people that piqued our interest over the years, i’m convinced of it. marilyn monroe, anna nicole smith, princess diana, chris farley….

someone, help save this girl from her lowest low. forget that she’s britney spears, pop princess. she is a woman in desparate need of SOMETHING to get her back on track up the mountain.

and don’t even get me started on lindsay lohan or paris hilton…

BTW, baby gates are fantastic, until the dog figures out how to weasle it’s way through the unusually-shaped side area. Back to the drawing board we go…

Loves and AOT,
–jen

last night, in a word, sucked. at first.

alex and i met at target to pick out a baby gate. we chose an awesome metal one, with detachable swinging door. we get it home. we take it out of the box. and it’s bent. we were already frustrated, due to the dog dragging cat poo all over the house all day, so we decided to say f-it, and go wallow over dinner.

so we did.

the best place we found for wallowing is saltgrass. it’s dark, has awesome food,  (especially the mushrooms) and $1.50 shiner drafts for him. we had awesome over-dinner conversations, and were finally starting to morph back into humans.

we even decided to give the baby gate purchase another try by going to super target. we came, we conquered, we even saw chris and alissa!

bring the baby gate in the house. take it out. it’s bent.

fortunately, we read the instructions TO THE BOTTOM this time, and realized it was supposed to be that way. installed the gate. it’s awesome. we may even keep the second one for the bedroom. LOL.

and the evening’s perfect ending? a fun-filled few hours of south park, of course!! (“dum-dum-dum-dum-dum”)

we woke up this morning to the incessant chirping from the smoke detector. again. this time, it didn’t go away.

ahh, the randomness of me…

speaking of random, here’s a few totally pointless pictures that won’t enlighten your day at all:

over my break, i decapitated a snowman.

i also noticed that milo loves audrey almost as much as i do, given the fact that he stares at her all day.

lol, this post is proof-positive i need a nap. one more day…

loves and AOT,
–jen

p.s. good luck to the iowans who get to stand in gymnasiums for hours on end tonight, shuffling from one side to the other in order to show their support for their favorite dem. fun times. i’ll be sitting on my ass at home, so more power to you.