xanga, meet insomnia. insomnia, xanga.
essentially, insomnia is a symptom of a sleeping disorder characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep — despite the opportunity.
as i’ve shared before, i have been dealing with anxiety for a few years now. unfortunately, insomnia is almost a given bi-product of the illness.
and yes, we are very close buddies.
about three or four years ago, i noticed that i wasn’t falling asleep like i should. i would lay there for hours, struggling to shut my brain off. i would turn to over-the-counter drugs (perfectly useful and not abused) to help knock me out … shout out to tylenol pm.
in 2006, my doctor had me do an overnight sleep study. i was hooked up to all kinds of sensors and monitors, and made to sleep in a sterilized room while a woman watched me sleep. if i had to pee, i had to buzz her in before moving. needless to say, it was painful (and somewhat traumatizing — big brother watching me on four different cameras!)
however, the results confirmed what i already suspected: i had chronic/onset insomnia.
one thing i didn’t expect to hear: i also had rls.
and that brings me to today’s OTHER friend: restless leg syndrome. *waves hello*
rls is a condition that is characterized by an irresistible urge to move one’s body to stop uncomfortable or odd sensations. while it most commonly affects the legs, it can also be in the arms and torso. rls causes a sensation in the legs or arms that can most closely be compared to a burning, itching, or tickling sensation in the muscles.
most doctors are weary of prescribing medication for these two chronic illnesses, since drug dependency is practically imminent.
(NOTE: there is a big difference between addicted and dependent. i’m not taking it to get high; i’m DEPENDENT on it to relieve my symptoms.)
i am prepared to be on sleeping medication the rest of my life, if it ensures a (somewhat) good night’s sleep.
last night, however, i discovered what happens when i DON’T take it.
you ever have one of those days where you think you did something, but can’t remember? yeah, that was me last night.
i couldn’t remember taking it, and was afraid to take a “second” pill. so i tried to fall asleep the good old-fashioned way.
i watched many hours come and go as i tossed and turned in bed.
each painful rls sensation was intensified. i was hot. i was cold. i was achy. i thrashed and flipped around for almost 5 hours before falling asleep … at 3:15 am!
unfortunately, there’s not much i can do to remedy the situation now; i can’t put my life on hold every time i don’t get a good night’s sleep. i’ve learned to function through the pain (and trust me, it’s painful), but it’s getting harder.
this is yet another reason i need to cut the stresses and anxiety out of my life.
if only it was that easy.
so. what should you take away from this?
having bad friends suck. but there are always worse ones out there …
