never forget.

i have so many things running through my head right now. it’s funny how — despite all the signs — things can continue to shock and surprise.

looking back, you can see things with such clarity. i liken it to viewing your life in HD. every flaw, mistake and occurrence is unabashedly displayed. “if only i had recognized this sooner,” you think. “if only i had done things that way,” you ponder.

there are a lot of things that i “if only”. friendships i had … classes i took … things i should or shouldn’t have said.

a thousand “if only’s” later, and i’m right back to where i began: bewildered and confused.

you can’t change the past — you can only learn from it and move on through the future.

the thought of what could have been just feeds my already-growing frustration.

things are unpredictable — you won’t know what your day will be until you’ve lived it. plan every detail of every minute of every day, and it’ll still get off-track somehow.

i guess what i’m trying to say is life is messy, crazy, beautiful and strange — it is NEVER perfect.

today is one of those imperfections.

(read my protected post for more info. can’t see it? request to be put on my list)

hit me up if you want on the list …

things happened.

things are changing.

protected post to come shortly.

hit me up if you want on the list.

omg, i’ve gone through such the withdrawal … i couldn’t log-in all freakin’ day.

i was having an issue yesterday with my password, but it eventually worked. i thought it’d be a one-time fluke.

i was totally wrong and got completely LOCKED OUT.

tres suck.

how am i being presented before you?

i got lucky — xanga was still bookmarked at home, and i was able to get in long enough to perform a master reset.

and that’s where i am now. hooray!!

so, what’d i miss? give me links to today’s favorites.

p.s. big thanks going out to natalia — she was trying to help me get things sorted out … i appreciate it!

*note: i highly respect the “other side”, but dang it, it makes me giggle.

i’m sure you probably heard, but i lost eight pounds. that’s a HUGE number that i wasn’t expecting — which goes to show that most of it was probably water weight. yes, i’m actively trying to lose, but i’ve never seen that much drop off in two weeks. CRAZY.

so, what AM i doing? let’s see:

i bought a yoga ball. nope, i don’t do yoga or anything, but i do stretches and sit-ups with it. last night, i did six MINUTES of sit-ups. i was in the zone and didn’t stop. i hurt so bad today.

i walk some. i park a little further away from things, walk the building a little more, and take stairs when i can (most of the time). i’m trying to get the courage back up to go to the gym again. maybe later this week.

lots of water. i’ve got this nifty new water bottle that holds 32-oz. i go through three or four of those a day, at least.

watching what i eat. i’m not good at this, but i’m trying to be conscious of the little things: fried=bad, red meat sparingly, veggies good, and NO MORE PB&J sandwiches. (did you know that ONE sandwich is 430 calories? i was taking two for lunch in an attempt to save money. bad.)

fish oil capsules. bleh! i’m actually taking it for my severe dry eye, but apparently it could be considered a dietary supplement. the after-taste turns me off from food, so i guess it works.

healthyroads. each year, i get a nice stipend from work to go toward doctor visits. this year, we were told we had to enroll in one health-related program (of course, one they deem we qualify for) to keep the stipend for next year. healthyroads is what i qualified for. healthyroads is a weight loss and stress management program done via phone and internet. every week or two, my counselor calls and talks to me about my progress, current issues and future goals. this aspect is VERY new to my “regimen”, but i thought i’d put it out there.

and perhaps the biggest help of all:

meridia. meridia is a doctor-prescribed weight loss drug that — in conjunction with a low-calorie diet and exercise — help people safely and effectively lose weight. i am very fortunate to have a doctor that really goes the extra mile for her patients. she gave me a free sample of the drug last year, and “magically” i lost 10 pounds. when it came time to actually prescribe it, however, i couldn’t take it because of the cost. insurance doesn’t cover it, and it was just way more than we were willing to invest at the time. since then, i have tried to do as much as i could “on my own,” getting little to no result. last month, i decided to bite the bullet and pay for it. it has been the only thing that has produced actual results. (plus, the fact that i am paying for it is added motivation to stay on track.)

every day is a struggle, but i’m making it through. ideally, i’d like to lose 60 more pounds.

it’s not a matter of “can” anymore … i WILL do this.

motivation: me, seven years ago.
   

literally!

MyFitnessPal – Calorie Counter

indulge me in my randomness …

the first kiss …

the last kiss …

i got my obama buttons and sign in this weekend … day one of wearing my support. only eight more weeks to go …

husband took the comfy chair out of the corner (to play video games in), and put his office chair in its place. milo doesn’t know the difference.

i hate it when the inbound vehicles stop. hello! you have the RIGHT OF WAY. you’re just holding the rest of us up with your stupidity. these signs are plastered all over the intersections for a reason.