October 24, 2008
-
venting: friendship don’ts.
10 things to NOT do in your next friend-lationship:
- don’t loan things out. they don’t give them back.
- don’t pay for their s**t, even if they say they’ll pay it right back. they’ll only expect you to do it more (and no, they don’t reimburse).
- don’t bother calling, emailing or texting them. it only falls on deaf ears. you’ll be lucky if you ever get a response. (unless it’s to cancel 10 minutes before)
- if you DO engage in conversation, DON’T be surprised if they don’t ask how YOU are doing.
- don’t expect them to come through with what they say. it lessens the pain.
- don’t put too much effort into it. it’s obvious they won’t.
- don’t think the person has changed. they haven’t.
- don’t try to understand why they’re mad at you for being honest.
- don’t put too much stock in “top friends” on myspace or anything. they only move you around to piss you off.
- just don’t do anything at all.
(not about anyone in particular — i just wanted to get this out. also worth mentioning: it’s not so much about my own interactions — although i’ve encounted a few of these — as much as hearing people
complain about THEIR “failed” friendships.)
Comments (24)
Wow. That’s all I got to say!!!
I’m sorry that any relationship has made you feel that way. Hopefully, it will prove to be false in any friendship hereafter.
Aww, this list is really depressing
@mynewlife1126 - @EilisAngelos - it’s not so much about my own interactions — although i’ve encounted a few of these — as much as hearing people
complain about THEIR “failed” friendships.
@TheCheshireGrins - it is.
sorry about that!
Funny thing is I’ve had this problem with a few people and that’s the reason I don’t have many girl friends. I always tend to be too nice and let people take advantage of me then I give them the benefit of the doubt when they come crawling back asking for forgiveness. I tend to attract losers!
I have a friend that this list is all too true for, but once I stopped doing things like paying for her stuff and lending her things, our relationship got infinitely better.
wow…so why be friends?????
good to know!
Ugh… I’m blessed I guess. I have some of the best friends in the world. They are there for me no matter what. Though, I only have a few…
Crap… hope that doesn’t make ME the bad friend!!
hahaha i am dealing with this right now, lol. do you mind if i share in my myspace blog… i’ll give you full credit of course with a link back
@Papillon_Mom - oh, don’t get me wrong, i’ve got some of the MOST AWESOME friends in the world! and fortunately, this doesn’t apply to them (and even if one or two of the things do, they snap out of it really fast) … i’ve just been hearing a lot of “worst case scenario” friendship stories lately — it needed to come out.
@CiaoBella810 - on the whole, most people AREN’T like this. but when you encounter such negative people, do you really WANT to be around them? it’s just like a bad relationship … if you’re getting abused, get out.
@Papillon_Mom - btw, i’m sure you’re not a bad friend at all!
@BarelyJen - I agree to that!! I HAVE had several friends in the past that have treated me that way. They either are no longer my friends, or we’re on “limited terms.” If that makes sense. I believe in forgiveness, fully… but when the same person does the same crap over and over… yeah…
@BarelyJen - And thanks! Haha!
actually i didn’t share in my blog. it would probably piss people off because of course someone will get a guilty conscience about being a shitty friend lol
@mrsmarkwith - why, of course that’s okay! hope things get better!
#2 is a huge lesson I’ve learned the hard way…I’d add also: If you pay for their crap, don’t except them to return the favor back…
good advice
youre friends must be assholes if these are your standards. people; real friends or sex partners do NOT really act like this. this is not the normal settings ofd a standard relationship/friendship/sex partner. if these friends acted like this; i would not want anything to do with them………………
about #9….i remember when myspace used to be way popular, and people actually confronted other people why they were moved from #1 to #2 in Top Friends List LOL! funny times.
@cre13 - I think I have the exact same problem. I am too nice and am naive enough to expect people to reciprocate and get so disappointed when they don’t. There aren’t too many people I think of as friends right now. Oddly enough, I’m great at my relationships–just not friendships. -.-
Oh no, I just lost my entry. I will try to recreate it.
Unfortunately I agree with most of your list, especially number 1. I have lost too many things by “loaning” them out and suddenly people think they are gifts. Whatever. There are some perks to losing your stuff though.
1. You probably didn’t need it anyways.
2. You have that much less junk in your house.
3. You have a valid excuse to go out and buy something newer and better to replace whatever you lost.
haha. this is such a good list. i could take a lesson or two from this. i experiance these from one of my friends atleast once in our friendship.
I think making friendships is a risk. I think we’re better off if we can try to put in more than we get out. Compromising our core values just to get along isn’t healthy though being open to change is (figuring out the difference between the two can be a challenge).
Great list, haha.