Just kidding, that would be pretty funny though, huh?? But seriously, because Jen has been so awesome lately, I decided to give her a nice break. Therefore I, stewieismyhero, am throwing some of my awesomeness in her general direction. Enjoy.

Just to be clear, the following was written by StewieIsMyHero, not BarelyJen.

I am generally a happy person. It takes a lot to piss me off, and if you do, I am not a happy person at all. I don’t enjoy being angry and I don’t like what I become when I am. I don’t get violent or anything, so don’t worry. Anyway, what I would like to address here today is something that happens to me quite frequently on my happy days.

I’ll just be walking around, doing my thing, when all of a sudden someone blurts out “Smile! *insert some cliche statement about life*.”

Now, this is one of those things that makes me mad. Just because I am not smiling doesn’t mean I’m not happy or what have you. I don’t walk around grinning from ear to ear all day long; I would look like a freak, scare people away and cause them to wonder silently, “Does she have a bomb strapped to her chest??” No one wants that, srsly.

Once upon a time last summer, I would leave my apartment to walk to my car and start my adventure for the day. There was this very friendly man that lived nearby that would almost always be outside smoking a cigarette when I would be on my way out– not smiling. Every time, without fail, he would order me to smile (in a friendly manner). Of course, I would oblige, but as soon as my back was to him, my face would return to its normal unsmiling happy state. After a few occurrences of this, I would get in the habit of smiling cheesily in his direction when I saw him outside before he got the chance to boss me around.

Why is it that people need to be smiling all the time in order to portray happiness? I mean, I know it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, but I’m not necessarily frowning…just not smiling like a tool.

Leave me alone, I’m fine, I promise. By telling me to smile you’re actually making me want to knock your teeth out so you can’t smile comfortably anymore. Thank you, come again…or not.

This has been a presentation of the KP Broadcasting Network. Now, on to your regularly scheduled programming.

Dear Caffeine,

I’m breaking up with you. Sorry to do it so suddenly, but it’s for our own good. Please believe me when I say this: it’s not you, it’s me. I just couldn’t handle your yummy-ness for another day.

I will always remember the good times, like the delectable cherry dr. pepper from sonic, or cherry cokes at my 8th birthday party. Remember those root beer floats at parties, or diet pepsi at lunch? I know I do.

You’ll go on without me. There are so many other people out there, waiting for everything you have to offer.

Love,
Me

P.S. WHY am I doing this again?

… oh yeah. It turns out that a lot of my health issues could be stemming from my daily “inhalation” of these tasty beverages (and chocolate).

According to health.org, while many people feel that caffeine increases their mental alertness, higher doses of caffeine can cause anxiety, dizziness, headaches, heart palpitations, ulcers, acid reflux, muscle twitching and the jitters. It can also interfere with normal sleep.

I’m particularly concerned about this little tidbit: “caffeine may also cause the body to lose calcium, and that can lead to bone loss over time. drinking caffeine-containing soft drinks and coffee instead of milk can have an even greater impact on bone density and the risk of developing osteoporosis. If you are stressed or anxious, caffeine can make these feelings worse.“

Well, it’s a good thing I’m stopping, right? Maybe the anxiety will finally come down a few notches?!

It doesn’t feel like it. Only a few days “sober”, and I feel like crap. I’m still waiting for my body to reset. You see, I quit cold turkey, something I strongly don’t recommend because every day is a crash.

According to wikipedia, a “caffeine crash” will cause headaches, nausea, fatigue and drowsiness. It will also cause anxiety, irritability, inability to concentrate and diminished motivation to initiate or complete daily tasks. In extreme cases it may cause mild depression.” Seriously? I should have just stayed on the wagon!

Have you considered giving up caffeine? How much do you consume each day?

You asked for an explanation of this evening’s pulse: “After today, I’m really questioning my desire to stay in this career path … can I just go back to working fast food or something?!” … so here it is.

In “real life,” I’m a writer. I’ve never wanted to be anything else, really.

The fact that I thought — let alone SAID — that I want to re-think my career path kills me.

Deep down, I love what I do. It’s an amazing feeling to bring a story to life (as most of you already know). But lately, company politics have overshadowed my drive for creative excellence. It’s about churning out a product; quantity over quality. And in a world where a paycheck is king, I shouldn’t complain. Believe me, I KNOW. Especially after last month’s massive layoffs, I should be content to put my nose to the grindstone and soldier on, but that’s not always the case. If you can’t enjoy even ONE part of your job, then why do it?

Would I really walk away from the thing that defines me? My answer changes often. Today, I am down; tomorrow, I hope for a renewed outlook on things.

*NOTE* I sometimes feel like this job has ruined me toward any other writing jobs … I think I wanna sell insurance or hamburgers or something. Anyone out there hiring?  

1) See naked: AMnkyDem0n

2) Have coffee with: TheCheshireGrins

3) Go on a date with: TheBigShowAtUD, vanedave and Jonathan (strictly platonic lunching, of course)

4) Ban from Xanga: they know who they are.

5) Have do a guest-post for you: stewieismyhero

6) Do a guest-post for: edlives or ASM

7) Know their honest opinion of you: avenuetothereal or Dan

8) Have post more often: istephaniemarie and edlivesbetterhalf

9) Become best-friends with: my BFN gals: cre13, jediwa72, laurelitavera, snippiesblog, AlterEgo909, ciaobella810, AirForceVirgin, MyTinyWrist and Pinky93085

10) Marry, Kill, Become wealthy because of: theXangaTeam

thanks to suggestivetongue for the survey …

During our dinnertime conversation on Friday, Husband and I had been discussing sales, discounts and the economy (given that we’re both in retail fields of some capacity) — he had mentioned a sale that Wal-Mart was doing the next morning in store.

*pause* It’s worth noting that he didn’t have ulterior motives with being sweet to me earlier that evening; he’s just not like that. Besides, we had actually purchased a PS3 a few months ago (at regular, not discounted price) only for us both to have buyer’s remorse and return it that afternoon. From then on, we had a plan: sell our old computer and monitor, some video games and books, and put that toward his PS3 fund. My Christmas gift to him would be to make up the difference. So when he said that there was an actual deal involved … *un-pause*

So we get there around 7:15 … The line was already almost 50 strong, and growing. By the time 8 o’clock came, over 100 people were in line. They had fabulous deals on other electronics, too: laptops, big screen TVs, mp3s, PS2s and PSPs.

They only had 13 PS3s on hand. For a moment, our chances looked grim. The first recipient came out of line (he had been waiting since midnight!) with the coveted PS3:

The back of the line started to panic … Would there be anything left?

It turns out, for most of them, the laptop was the draw of the day. In fact, only five people in front of us snapped up a PS3. As we got closer to the check-out counter, we breathed a sigh of relief: VICTORY WAS OURS!

See the box on the top right? Yeah, that one is ours.  

By 9:15, the PS3 was making it’s way home. Geez, I could still be in bed right now!

Merry Christmas and Happy Promotion, husband. You deserve this!

i’d disapPear for one day. duh.

I just answered this Obvious Question; you can do it too!

The BarelyJen Takeover!!