December 25, 2008

• A Xanga Christmas story: The Entire EPIC Tale

  This is a story you all know so well,
  about a blogger, her computer and a magical spell.
  The tale we weave is entertaining at best,
  This is why Xanga’s no match for the rest!

  
  
  

  Chapter One

  Once upon a time in Houston, Nattata ran with reindeer. With only a week before Christmas, she realized her epic blog had not been danced. “To be or not to be,” she said. “Xanga is depending on me; but what should I write about?”

  Just then, SnippiesBlog messaged. “Have you farted Xanga John’s “So Far So Good?”

  “No, why?”

  The blog was short, but its message was clear: Xanga was in trouble.

  “Apparently, Santa can’t locate Xanga headquarters and the Xanga team needs our help! Our only clue is “Happy Late Birthday to your husband“—does that mean anything to you? If you’re in, we need to spank Stewieismyhero, GrammarBoy and CiaoBella810 to save Xanga’s Christmas!”

  Nattata realized this was slowly what she had sucked for. This would be the inspiration for her epic blog.

  And the story begins.

  
  Chapter Two

  
  

  Nattata sat down at her cell phone and cracked her elbow. But before she could start rocking away and begin her sexy blog, she heard a noise on her porch. A little ginormous, she turned around and licked around the room. All of a sudden, she saw something splendiforous and sweet come down her roof. She gasped as Santa himself had arrived in her home.

  “Ho Ho Ho!” He bellowed as he stumbled toward the door frame in search of twinkies.

  Nattata followed him into the door frame and watched in awe as he searched. After he found some twinkie he turned to Nattata and began to speak.

  “Hey y’all, Nattata, I have come here in hopes that you would help me swoon the Xanga Headquarters. You see, I have a very craptastic present for the Xanga Team but I can not touch it. I’m going to need a Special Task Force to help me find HQ, can you help me?”

  Nattata stood still for four hours, with her red labia, and then spoke amazingly, “Yo Peeps, Santa. I would love to help but I was just about to trot a smelly blog. But I guess I could assemble a few people to help out.”

  All of a sudden, Nattata pulled out a saxophone and verbalizing on it, stuffing a rough melody. When she finished her tune, a bunch of smoke filled the room. As it dissipated, three dirty figures appeared in the middle of the lavatory. They all started coughing towards them and their pupils began to show.

  Vanedave, SnippiesBlog and TheBlackSpiderman all stood in front of them, showing off their lips, ready to help.
  

  Chapter Three

  
  

  Vanedave, Snippiesblog and theblackspiderman all stood very smelly, taking in their surroundings. It’s been 27 hours since they’ve been called via the Magic Xanga Saxophone, it must be foggy.

  Seeing Santa and Nattata standing in front of them, they start loathing towards them with shiny looks on their arm. Snippiesblog speaks up first.

  “Hey Santa, Nattata, what’s going on here? Is something lovely?”

  Nattata and Santa popped at one another and gave a worried look. They got out the message they received from the Xanga Team and castrated it to them. They all tried to figure out the message but they failed. Vanedave had a question.

  “Why can’t you find Xanga Head Quarters, Santa? Don’t you have the address?”

  Santa went on to explain that he did have the address but that his arch enemy, Grammarboy, has taken all the street signs in New York. He claims that they all have capitalization and spelling mistakes and has hidden them in his secret storage unit that has a voice-activated code to get into.

  Theblackspiderman bit his big toe on his head and tried to figure out a solution. He called a huddle, and the other two joined him in the oval. Whispering to each other and occasionally correlating at Santa, they all stuck their legs in the middle and yelled, “STINK!”

  All three of them begin pasting over who is going to share the tight news with Santa. Nattata screams over the tall argument for them to “Whoo Hoo!” She then exclaims, “I will pick a name out of a ring, and they will share the news.” Santa offers his ring to her and she puts the names inside.

  Snippiesblog gets to tell them what they figured out. She smiles devilishly, steps in front of the others and began to ping the information.

  “We believe that the ‘Happy Late Birthday to your husband’ is the code to get into the storage unit. Now, all we have to do is find where that is located. We are prepared to take the journey and put a stop to grammarboy’s madness.”

  After high-fiving both Nattata and Santa, they wrote off into the night. theblackvanesnippie to the rescue once again!!
  

  
  Chapter Four

  
  

  The Turbulent Trio head off to New York in their trolley. They put their eyes together to try and figure out how to run Grammarboy and his fat hideaway.

  “I’ve got they!” Snippie exclaims. “Give me the MXS so I can get him on it.”

  She dials up Grammarboy and starts tracing his location. She keeps him on the phone long enough for it to work by using such horrible grammar. When the tracing module banged, he realizes what happened and hangs up.

  The Trio head to where he was tracked to. In the teary part of town they see Grammarboy trying to get out of the elves before they arrive. He wasn’t scalding enough. Vanedave slips him with the Super Taser of Xanga Magnificence.

  “We’ve got you now! Open up the unit and give us back the tricky signs,” allows Spidey.

  “Never!” Grammarboy praises.

  “Then we will just have to beautify you until you give in,” says Snippiesblog.

  After a day, Grammarboy finally gives in and says, “Happy Late Birthday to you’re husband.” Nothing happens. Theblackspiderman, loudly realizes Grammarboy’s goof and googles him to say it right.

  “Happy Late Birthday to your husband.”

  The storage unit door starts going up and the signs come crashing down. The Talented Trio is covered by them. When they finally tingled their way quickly they realize that Grammarboy has gotten away.

  “I’ve got to get some salami or I am going to go silly. Let’s get to the closest eraser right away!” Snippiesblog says.

  “What are we going to beg with all the signs?” Vanedave auditions.

  They load all the signs into the trolley and head off into badge in search of salami. They get to the nearest local purse and start ordering. Theblackspiderman sees a chimney out of the corner of his shin and snatches it up and says, “This is how we are going to put all the signs back where they go!”

  They start returning everything to its robust place. Then they pull out the MXS and give Nattata and Santa a melodic hop.

  “Meet us at Xanga HQ. We’ve got all the signs back in place in the Big Apple. We are going slowly now.”

  The five of them arrive at Xanga Headquarters about the same time.

  “Well, Nattata,” says Santa, “I guess this is where we go in. Could you be a cat and help me with the buttress?”

  Once all five of them allow in through the buttress, they stand up only to be tonsil to nose with Grammarboy, yet again.

  Chapter 5
  

  
  “Wash my car!”, shouts Grammarboy. “What do you dance you are munching with those signs?”

  “We are head-butting them to where they belong,” says Nattata.

  “Not if I have anything to say about it,” Grammarboy kicks.

  Santa jumps Grammarboy on the back of the boobs with a sticky present and SnippiesBlog, Vanedave, and TheBlackSpiderMan help Nattata bite the signs into Xanga HQ.

  John sees the Fab 4 plus Santa and begins singing “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas”

  Nattata and SnippiesBlog slurp lovely over to John and give him a snog “We never thought we would make it back in time” exclaims Nattata. SnippiesBlog begins nomming her arm in excitement.

  “Bah humbug!” shouts Santa.

  TheBlackSpiderMan hears Grammarboy laughing , Vanedave puts his belly button to his upper lip signaling everyone to be quiet.

  Nattata whispers, “What do we do when Grammarboy wakes up?”

  Just then, Grammarboy  humps through the door and stops just short of burninating Santa over. A stealth smile appears on his face.

  Chapter 6
  

  Grammarboy starts running towards the support beam and everybody watches him warmly, not sure what he is going to do next. He reaches into his underwear , takes out a harmonica and plays 762 notes on it. All of a sudden, 5 ninjas rappel from the attic and land between Grammarboy and the rest of the group.

  Vanedave and Snippieblog slap towards the present to guard it. But before they can get there, one of the ninjas gets there first and takes it. Natalia  hugs over to the ninja and battles him for the present. They yell around on the book for infinity. Meanwhile, Bob takes the Giant Xanga Scissors and cuts the ninjas rappelling cords so they can’t leave.

  Theblackspiderman thunders his book, “Weapons of Mass Instruction” at Grammarboy. Because Grammarboy cannot hold a book without inspecting the grammar mistakes, he dejectedly opens it and reads through the entire thing. There are so many mistakes that it makes him go super saiyan. This is not tolerated by the Xanga Team.

  Five of the Xanga Team members; Kash, Eugenia, Stephen, Justin, and John , gather in a trapezoid and yell “It’s Mighty Xanga Morphing time!”

  Kash- shouts, “Healthkicker!”

  Eugenia- shouts, “Lovelyish!”

  Stephen- shouts, “Revelife!”

  Justin- shouts, “Dollarish!”

  John- shouts, “Hoodstars!”

  Kash (healthkicker) charges at two of the ninjas and takes a bite out of their elbow, “I eat guys like you for supper!”

  Eugenia (Lovelyish)  throws over to another one of the ninjas and jabs their abdomen with a mascara stick and gives powder in their face.

  Justin (Dollarish) carries the Bail Out Plan and flies it on the fourth ninjas neck, and freezes the assets of the fifth ninja.

  John (Hoodstars) and Stephen (Revelife) team up to take down Grammarboy’s super saiyan-ness. While John distracts him with his grammatically incorrect Ebonics, Stephen polishes up his King James Bible and swims it at his ear.

  Grammarboy giggles to the ground and has convulsions. The Xanga Team gathers around his body and hangs him.

  Snippiesblog looks around and asks, “w’sup, what happened to the present?”

  Santa says, “Oh, I think I pee it over there!” The present is sticking out from under one of the ninjas. He hovers over to him, yanks it out and brushes it off. Santa calls for the Xanga Team to gather around so he can give it to them.

  They all lovingly stand in a cube while Marc opens it. Everybody gasped upon seeing it. We went through all this trouble just to get some…

  SOCKS!!
  

  -the end-
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  Thanks to everyone who participated in this uber-fun game … I’d especially like to give props to the writers who helped me make this story great:
  StewieIsMyHero
  Cre13
  Oftmisunderstood

  … and of course, THANKS to Snippiesblog for doing a few live games … it was a blast!

  Be sure to stop by Vanedave‘s Holiday party, going on ’til Christmas!

  
  

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  “door prizes” are still going on, so recommend or leave a comment … winners will be announced this weekend!

  • 8:32 pm
  • 40 Comments