January 19, 2009
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Bye-bye, baby.
There are few times in life that you enjoy such unbridled happiness when sharing earth-shattering news.
“I’m in love!”“We’re engaged!”
“We’re having a baby!”
I am very happy to have experienced all three of those announcements. They truly make up some of my most treasured memories. Today, however, I experienced the complete opposite.
“Mom, we had a miscarriage.”Let’s forget about my husband’s — and my own— pain for a moment. It is difficult to tell your parents that their baby, carrying a baby, is in the hospital. It’s hard to say that their greatly-anticipated first grandchild no longer exists. Yes, you’re in pain, but there’s nothing they can do to fix it. That’s what parents do: they fix. And for the first time in your life, you can truly understand their helplessness. You were going to be a parent, just like them.
Husband has been my cheerleader from day one. He held my hand as they peeked at the undercarriage, and withstood multiple fingernail wounds to the hand as I was stabbed repeatedly for even more blood work. He knows just when to hug, rub my arm or make me laugh. He is my other half for a reason … in sickness and in health, forever and always. It may not have hit him yet, but when it does, I’ll be there for him, just as he’s been here for me.
I’m completely numb. I’ve known for a few weeks that it’d be a difficult road … many blood tests and early spotting gave me little hope. I’ve “enjoyed” days of bed rest, but it just wasn’t enough. God decided that we weren’t ready for our miracle of life. I’m in pain, saddened and a bit worse for the wear, but I’m still hopeful. It wasn’t our time for this journey. One day, though, it will be. And when that day comes, we’ll be the best damn parents ever.
Prayers welcome.
Comments (198)
Aww, Jen, you’ve got my tears. I’m so sorry to hear this, but hopefully the day will come for you both. My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweetie.
I’m sorry, thats so sad. I know what its like all to well.
you’re definitely in my prayers, girl
I am sorry.
*Massive hugs* I’m so sorry, lady. I know someday you guys will be fantastic parents. I’m just sorry that this wasn’t the time. I’m thinking about both of you and will keep both of you in my prayers. If you ever need a shoulder, I’m here for you in whatever capacity I can possibly be (here, email, messages, calls, whatever and etc- just let me know). For serious!
I am so sorry to hear that.
Oh honey! You’re in my thoughts sweetie. I know a mini is kind of lame considering the circumstances, but it’s all I can do. =[
I don’t know what to say, or anything that I can say that will help. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts. I’m so sorry, hun. I wish there was a super duper monster hugs mini.
*super duper duper monster hugs* <3
I’m so sorry. *hugs*
that’s terrible
sorry to hear about your loss… you will be in my prayers, and your moment will come again. stay strong…
D
((Hug))
I am sorry to hear that, my heart goes to you and your husband.
I am very, very sorry for your loss. (I’ve had two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy… your post had me blinking back tears. I am just so sorry.) You are in my prayers.
You already are the best parents. There is no word in the English language for parents who lose a child. I am very sorry for your loss. You are all (you, hubby, baby) in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so sorry, sweetie.
I’m here for you, as are the rest of your Xanga buddies.
We all love you!
You and your husband are going to be amazing parents someday. Like dadj_21 said, your time will come again.
Aw, I’m sorry. You’ll definitely be in my prayers. <3
Oh my, I’m so sorry to hear that Jen. I will be thinking of you and your husband.
I’m so sorry..
I’m so sorry to hear that.
You are definitely in my prayers…
i’m sorry for your loss
You guys are more than ready to be the best parents. I’m already looking forward to that day. Mucho hugs to you and Alex. Hubs and I will be praying for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Oh my! I know nothing I can say can make it better. I’m just really sorry you have to go through this. You and the rest of your family are in my prayers!
*HUGS*
I am truly sorry Jen!! Get some rest and we will be thinking about you!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It’s terrible.
But I’m also very happy to hear about your positive attitude. You really WILL be the best parents ever, with that kind of mindset =)
i’m so happy to hear that u at least have people around u that love you unconditionally… you and your family will def be in my prayers….
please continue to stay strong… just know that you are loved by many and we will always be here… even if its to e-hug, e-rub ur arm or to make you e-laugh too
most of all remember that u are not alone…. XOXOXOXO!!!!
I am truly sorry sweetheart.
I am so sorry.
This has to be one of the hardest things a women can ever endure. I hurt for you, even though I do not know you. There is nothing I can say that would make this any better or easier for you. Just know you are in my thoughts and I hope you come through this tragedy a stronger woman.
Aw, Jen, I’m so sorry.
I can’t possibly imagine the hurt you and your husband are going through right now.
But let me say this:
* My mom miscarried once, and went on to have my two brothers.
* My sister-in-law miscarried her first pregnancy, and went on to have possibly the two cutest, most precious girls in the history of western civilization (I might be a biased proud uncle).
Not that you shouldn’t feel pain, but that you should know there will be happy days ahead.
I am soo sorry I cannot imagine what you must be going through!
Dear Jen,
Having a cousin who has been through the same thing, I know what you’re going through. You are in my thoughts and my prayers. Just keep your head up, and you will get through this. I promise.
Sending many hugs,
<3 Jess N.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there.
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what else to say. Just know that I will be thinking of you and your husband. One day, you guys will be most awesome parents!
Jen I can truly feel your pain, and not just as someone who simply is saying that because they know what sadness is but from a person who has experienced what you have. Its a tough road but I am glad you have such supportive family members and most important of all such a supportive husband who is helping you. We’re here for you, and yes you guys will be the best parents ever when God knows you guys are ready and I pray that time is soon
Much love and hugs
whoa.. i’m really sorry.
Aw hon, I am so sorry. I have been there and know the pain. Hang in there. Prayers and big (((HUGS))) for all of you.
damn, that really sucks. im soooooo sorry.
I feel so sad for you but also hopeful for the future. This happened to my sister with her first pregnancy as well.
I have walked in your husband’s shoes, sweetheart. Mrs. Hat knows the road you are travelling right now. Too well. It is not the kind of thing you get better at either, as we found out. My heart is broken for you, but I am also very proud of you. I know you will deal with this. I have great faith in you.
Know that you are in my prayers in a special way this night.
James Harold
I’m so sorry.
Yes, you will be the best damned parents ever. I have 100% confidence in saying that, even though I barely know you. I wish you the best of luck and all the strength I have to send to you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. ::hugs::
Michael
There’s no way that words can take away the pain of such a situation. Saying a prayer for you!
I’m sorry. I’ll be praying for you.
I’m so sorry. That’s terrible <3
I’m so sorry. I will light a candle for your peace. So maybe you won’t see this bundle for awhile, but don’t forget to add ONE when you count your little family at the end of days.
I’m so sorry Jen…
I am so sorry. My deepest condolences.
I am so sorry sweetie.
*hugs*
This is definitely sad. But I know that when you are blessed with children, you will be the best parents that child could ever ask for.
I’ll be praying.
I’m so so sorry Jen. You WILL make a great mommy some day. I will light a candle for you. xoxo
I’m so sorry, hun. many prayers…just know that God is with you, and He hurts for you as well–but His healing will come, too.
much love Jen
I am sorry for your loss.
i’m sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry! I’ve been there. May you have peace and comfort…
Sorry Jen. There will be another time and you WILL be good parents.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Take good care of yourself. Get enought needed rest. <>
I’m very sorry. We lost a child in 2000, and I’ve never hurt like that before or since. The good news is that we’ve had two children since then and they are perfect, except for their sin nature, of course. You just have to keep trying. Practice is a lot of fun.
Jen, I am so, so sorry. I know exactly how you feel, and that’s not a stupid cliche. It’s horrible to lose a baby – I have lost two. There’s nothing anyone can say that will help – it’s just a huge disappointment. Love and hugs to you and your hubby at this sad time. I will pray for you.
oh my goodness, i am so sorry. i’ll be praying!!
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family in this difficult time.
hugs
You and husband are in my thoughts. I’m sorry to hear the news.
O I’m so sorry,I really everything works out for you and your family
I hope you feel better.
I’m so sorry to hear that Jen, I truly mourn with you today.
* Hugs *
Ugh, I’m sorry.
Soooo, so sorry for your loss =(
I’m very sorry to hear about you and your family’s loss.
and you’re still so strong !
there aren’t many people like you in the world who care so much about others and are able to take life’s hardships.
i’m sure that God knows this, and it’ll only be time until things are wonderful again.
stay strong <3
I’m so sorry.
That makes me sad…so sorry. If it’s any consolation, I believe God takes care of those little ones and we’ll be reunited with them someday in heaven. In the meantime, my prayers are with you, your husband, and your family.
Jen I also wanted you to know, if you ever need to talk I have an open ear. I have had a few miscarraiges, and I know the stages of grief very well. If you ever need anything, I would be happy to help
So sorry. Be optimistic, you will have more kids and be good parents.
I’m so sorry for your loss…
I am so sorry sweetheart *hugs*
Really sorry for your loss, I’ll keep praying for you… (you ARE going to be the best parent ever
)
Oh gosh Jen, I’m so sorry. *hugs, big hugs*
I really don’t know what else to say. Just hold your beautiful head up and try to keep being positive. I’m always a phone call away.
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that you will feel better. My sister in law has had 2 miscarriages. She is now expecting beautiful baby boy #4. (yes, 4 boys!) we have really missed you and hope that things get easier and better.
My sincere condolences to you both.
I’m sorry for your loss.
@AlterEgo909 - Don’t think I forgot about your birthday … you’ll get a surprise from me when you least expect it.
Praying for you.
I’m sorry.
i’m so sorry…
but yes, someday you WILL be the best parents ever!
*hugs*
Oh! Honey - I’m sooo sorry!! I know there is nothing that anyone can say to make you feel better. But I promise you that it gets better with time, it does. It hurts and sucks, but I promise that it gets better. ((HUGS))
Wow. I am speechless. I went through this same with my sister, in fact her due date would have been last friday. She called me the morning it happened, I cried for days. I feel for you. I have not experienced it, but I watched as she suffered in silence. I was the only person she told. I am so sorry for your loss. If I could reach through the computer I would give you a hug and tell you that with time it will be ok. And your time will come when you have a little one to stare up at you and gaze into your eyes! Hang in there!
@BarelyJen - Aww, thanks girlie
I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you a speedy recovery physically but I know the pain in your heart will heal over time. May the lord guide you during your time of sorrow.
Oh darling. I’m so sorry.
Prayers are with you.
May Adonai bless you and keep you, may he make his face to shine upon you, and give you peace.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
I’ll pray for you.
i’m so sorry,
I wish there was something i could say..
I will be praying.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’m extremely sorry to hear and wish you and your husband the very best. One day, it shall be much better.
aww Jen.
[group Xanga hug]
i’m sorry, Jen.
it’ll still happen for you guys, though. i’m really glad that your husband is so supportive.
and when it works out the next time, name him Matthew. you know, for good luck.
I’m positive you will be the best parents ever…even though I don’t know you. =]
I can’t say I feel your pain or that I even have any idea what it’s like, but you and your husband will be in my thoughts and my prayers.
i LOVE how your looking at things
glass is half-full
&&
”everything happens for a reason” && “whatever’s meant to be will be”
those are just things that came to my mind while reading your post
my mom has had two miscarriages and she’s pregnant again and hoping for the best so i dont exactly know what your feeling but almost[=
but your defianlty in my prayers=]
my most sincere condolences
I’m so sorry and I know I’m a few days late. I can’t say I know what you’re going through. You will be in my prayers.
I’m so sorry.
so sorry my dear
I wish I had something better to say, but… I’m sorry for your loss =(
My mother had a few miscarriages before I was born, but today she’s a mother of 3. You will be a great mother someday; don’t lose faith.
*hugs*
You will be in my prayers.
<3
I love you dear and i hope you feel better. If there is anything i can do let me know.
I do not know you, I read you…I enjoy you…now I feel for you…my heart breaks and aches for you…I am truely sorry.
My prayers are with you. One of my colleagues also had a miscarriage, on the due day. There are no rules for this, but I am sure, sure that you and your husband will be the best damn parents ever.
I’m so sorry- I don’t know it if will help but my mom had a miscarriage before she had me and she says God had a plan and maybe she lost that baby so that the next one would be perfect and healthy- me. I’ll be praying for you and before you know it you’ll be blessed with another miracle.
Sorry for your loss !! We cannot explain the why, but we do know that God has a reason for everything. Rest in His arms as you go through this time of sorrow.
Sending a prayer and a hug. Sorry for your lose. Judi
My mom had a miscarriage with her first pregnancy… she was around 20 that time…
But after that first pregnancy she’s blessed with us 8 children…
Be strong and I hope that beautiful baby would come into your life pretty soon. I wish all happiness for you and your family.
Oh Jen. I am so sorry. If you need anything, I’m an phone call away. And I really mean that…
so sorry for your loss. you’re definitely in my prayers =)
Man. I don’t even know what to say.
I barely know you through here and you seem like a very awesome person and seem like a person who would be an awesome mother.
I like the phrase, Everything happens for a reason. It truly does help me when I have bad days, I have to remember without those bad days, the good days would never seem that much better.
When it does happen, it’ll make it that much more special, I suppose. I hope.
I am sorry. =(
I’m sorry for your loss.
Sigh… wow.
I’m glad to see you optimistic, though.
I know how you feel my sister-in-law just got to see the baby inside her for the first time and even heard the heartbeat, and later that night, she miscarried. my prayers go out to you in this difficult time
Jen, I’m so sorry. I was with a friend when she miscarried and I know it’s incredibly difficult to go through. You’re in my prayers.
I’m so sorry… Big giant hugs.
i am so sorry. my husband and i are currently go through this very same experience. you and your family are in our prayers, again i’m so very sorry for your loss.
Sending some virtual hugs your way.
I had one 3 years ago this week. Luckily enough, I had yet to tell anyone (we were waiting until after 12 weeks – I only made it just over 6).
oh my goodness babe, im so sorry… hugs and prayers.
I hope things get better for you guys. I’ll remember you guys in my prayers !
Love ya. You’re always in my prayers. Call me if you have problems
*prays*
I’m so sorry. When the time comes, I’m sure you two will be the best of parents, with the help of a couple of the best grandparents.
Jen, I don’t know you, but I know your pain all too well. Prayers,peace and lots of thoughts sent your way.
=( My heart is sad for you both. You’re in my prayer.
I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry!
im so sorry for your loss, but thats the best attitude to go forth with. god strength
i wish you the best. as you said yourself, God decided that you weren’t ready. but someday you will be. =]
I also have a prayer and a hug for you.
Oh, so that’s why you haven’t been around lately. Get well soon, Miss Jen.
Oh, my dear, I wish I could give you a hug. This will have to do: ((((((((HUG)))))))))))
Oh Jen. This must be so hard for you and your husband both. Please know that you are in my thoughts and heart … Sending (((((HUGS))))) over the ‘Net.
I am so sorry to hear this.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
*complex
Dearest Jen,
I’m terribly upset about your loss. Being a mom is my biggest dream and after trying off and on for the last 9 years, I sometimes wonder if it’ll ever happen for me. Deep down, I know it will. Chris and I lost a baby in 2006 and it was the most awful experience of our lives. I totally understand the pain and sense of hopelessness you must be feeling. I promise to you that your angel baby will always remain in your heart and one day you will be the mom that you want to be. You are in my thoughts during this difficult time.
Hugs, Chirleen
I know we don’t know each other well, but I had a miscarriage on labor day 2007. I will never forget it. I was home alone. The father had his cell phone ringer off. The due date month was when it was the hardest. I joined a grief group and it was the best thing in the world. God doesn’t waste a hurt. It turned out to be the most spiritually awakening experience of my life. But that didn’t happen until a lot of pain passed. So many women came out of the woodwork and told me of their losses too. It’s so sad. You are a mother of an angel. My heart goes out to you.
Aw, I’m sorry. I know you will have the chance to be parents and that now just wasn’t the time.
*love and hugs* Always remember that you have a few million shoulders to cry on here on Xanga. And I’m always willing to be a shoulder to anyone in need of some support. My grandmother had 10 children conceived and only gave birth to 3. I understand from talking to her that it is very hard to let those children go, but she pushed on and thanks to her here I am!
Keep your chin up, and I will keep you in my prayers. Much loves and hugs!
I’m so sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry.
So sorry Jen,I will keep you in prayer.
God bless and keep you and your honey, you have all my sympathy during this time of loss. I’ll be praying for you.
{{{hugs}}}
So sorry to hear.
I lost two babies in early pregnancy and I know there are few words that really comfort. I am sorry for your loss. And if a hug from a stranger might help… *hugs*
So sorry. You’re in my prayers.
Crap, I’m so sorry to hear that.
My prayers are with you, and it isn’t often that I say that.
I’m so sorry, and I realize apologies can’t sum up enough to help you feel better, not the least. I wish there was something I could do or say, but all I can do is give my prayers and tell you that I am here. All your faithful readers are here for you.
I am so sorry.
I am very sorry to hear this Jen.
I was a bit relieved to read that very last part. Your time will come.
it’s always hard to see someone in grief. I think its even harder when its some who is as positive and upbeat as you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope you can stay positive, no matter how hard it gets.
I don’t really even read your blog but I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you. Hang in there.
You’re definitely in my thoughts, I hope that things get better and I just know that when the time comes for you to be a parent you will be an amazing mother. *hugs*
I’m so sorry, praying for peace for you and your family.
I’m so so sorry. One day, just wait, everything will end up like you want it. Like my own grandma says:
“Everything will be perfect in the end. If it’s not perfect, it’s not the end.”
It’s not the end. Don’t give up.
Oh Jen…. BIg hugs from the Griffin Family. If you need to talk, let me know. I lost my first baby before Jax. I can be an ear.
I’m so sorry Jen!! Lots of women know what you’re going through but just keep trying when you’re ready again and you’ll be a great mom!
I am so sorry. I cant imagine how you must feel. There are a million things going through my head right now, having read your story…but right now I wish you strength to make it through this, I know you can. And like you said…one day you will be a great parent!!
i wish you nothing but the best. your entire family is in my prayers. God works in mysterious ways and while it may not always be fair, He doesn’t give you more than you can handle. you’ll come out stronger and be a stronger family together when the time does come to have the miracle of life.
Will pray Jen.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
x
I am so sorry, Jen. I know that there is nothing like losing your child. I have never experienced, but I have seen so many people be torn apart by losing their child. But you are a strong woman, and with your husband you can make it through this.
Have been there. And looking to the future is a good plan. Life will make up for it eventually.
In my prayers. We had two miscarriages before having two children – the hurt is hard – and someday it will be replaced by warmth and love.
I’m very sorry about your loss, Jen. I’m thinking of you.
I’m really sorry. I’m sure you’ll make a great mom one day.
So sorry to hear
I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. I’m glad that you’re still able to stay hopeful!
two out of three.
I’m sure you will be great parents. I lost a baby 45 years ago, and 3 of my daughters have also had miscarriages. It’s hard. I just prayed for you.
i know there is nothing i can say to make you feel better. All i can really say is im glad you have such a supportive husband to be with you through this all.
Hi Jen.. Hope you’re feeling better.. God will for sure send you and your husband a message when He thinks that you two are both ready-all-around to have a new member at home. But for now, just try to get better as soon as possible, ‘kays?
Love loads,
Steph
I am so sorry.
I’m sorry for your loss, Jen. It’s interesting that you seem more concerned about your own parents than yourself right now. You are an amazing daughter and I’m sure you will be a great mom someday. I hope you have a speedy recovery. *hugs*
Aww, Jen. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry! You’re right! When God grants you the gift of life and allows you to keep it, you’ll be the greatest parents in the world! =]
Sorry. Not much more I can say.
I’m so sorry and my thoughts are with you. Hopefully the physical pain has at least subsided. I hope you keep talking about it – whether here or elsewhere – because it really does help.
In case I wasn’t clear. I am so sorry. Let me know if you need anything.
Lots of love!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m glad your relationship with your husband is so good. Having each other to lean on in times like these are very important.
I’m so sorry.