August 19, 2010
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I’m Not Broken …
Being a new mom is fun and exciting, though at times, a bit stressful. Between work and baby, I was balancing it all well.
Then, the baby kept getting sick. Husband got a new job and started working most nights and all weekends. We decided to move … in with our in-laws. I lost my personal space. I was living with college-age brothers. My commute was longer. I was alone with the baby more and more. The life changes were stacking up and wouldn’t stop.
I became moody, frustrated and I couldn’t sleep. I found myself staying at work longer, just so I didn’t have to jump into my “second day within a day”.
Before getting pregnant, I was a chronic insomniac, so my doctor and I tried to regulate my sleep. Even after getting my normal 7-8 hours a night (husband took the night shift), I would still want to sleep.
Even with all that, I refused to see what was coming.
I was putting the baby to bed one night, and I just started to cry. He was fussy and couldn’t get to sleep, and I was standing by helpless. Why couldn’t I make it better for him?! After about an hour, he fell asleep, and I went down to eat dinner. I sat in the chair and just cried, with my in-laws watching me.
I think I scared them a bit at first, but they sprung into action, helping to make the next day’s formula, and watching the baby monitor so I could go to bed.
That breakdown made me realize that there was something wrong with me. I needed help.
I made a list of everything that I was feeling or thinking, and talked to my doctor about it. She confirmed what I didn’t want to hear: I have post-partum depression (PPD).
Most of the time, when you hear about post-partum in the news, it’s the most severe cases—a mother harming her child—and that’s definitely not the case with me. My doctor put it best: “it’s depression triggered by having a baby.”
I think I was trying to outrun my impending diagnosis. I knew that with my family’s history of depression and anxiety, I was at a higher risk for post-partum. My doctor was very good about monitoring me, making sure that I was functioning as I should. And for months, I was doing great. Sometimes you can’t avoid the inevitable.
The good news is, it can be very manageable. Develop a plan of action, and ask others for help to bring it to life. I plan on seeing a counselor, carving out a bit more “me” time—thanks to the help of my family—as well as medication.
I love my son, and I want to be the best mommy I can for him, so being any less isn’t an option.
Have you had to deal with PPD?
Comments (14)
Bringing life into the world does crazy things to the body. You are totally strong enough to tackle PPD….and his little face is just TOOO CUTE!!
Good to see you back! PPD is very common for new mothers, but as you said it has a very long span of symptoms. I am sure you’ll be fine. So far, it’s only mild depression that comes and goes every now and then. No PPD for me, yet..
Way to go!!! I know several people that have had PPD. And they, like you, got the help they needed and are doing just fine now
You are a good mommy!
Thankfully I never suffered from PPD. I am sorry that you had to go through that. But you sure do have a beautiful little boy.
PS – You’re looking great and baby is adorable!
Good to see you posting! I love reading your blog and it has inspired me a lot
It’s good to know you are doing well with PPD and your baby looks truly adorable !
I am most certain you will be an AWESOME mother !
Your post made me cry a little bit. I am SO proud of you for seeking help, I know that could not have been easy hun. Wow, you sure did go through a ton of changes, those could not have been easy. I’m glad things are looking up for you though now. *hugs*
I was blessed that this time around I did not suffer any sort of baby blues or depression, though I know that it can happen with future babies.
You and your baby are absolutely adorable!
Look at that adorable face! He’s soo cute. I’ve never witnessed anyone with PPD, but I’m sure it just kind of sneaks up on you. Hard, fast and overwhelming. I’m sure you’ll shake this in no time. I’m glad you have those wonderful in-laws to help you out in your time of need. I love those guys!
Oh hun. I’m thinking about you and sending hugs and prayers your way. I am glad that you are getting the help that you need. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I mean that.
(HUGS)
I had it with my second child. It wasn’t anything extreme like you said, it was just that I didn’t have this overwhelming sense of euphoria like I did with my first. I was a lot more sleep deprived because I was taking care of two babies and my husband worked nights leaving me home alone with a baby who cried every night from midnight-5am. My baby is now 6 weeks and things are definitely getting better but it was very hard and it is comforting to know that others have had the same types of feelings I did.
The important thing is you realize it and are seeking help. Too often with all forms of depression people just try to push through and it winds up being more harmful then not. Kudos to you for being responsible and taking charge! That cute little guy is lucky to have such a dedicated mommy!
As a few other people said, at least you recognized what was going on and were able to seek help when you needed it. I’m sending good thoughts your way!
Great pics!
I have a friend who wrote a similar blog (note on facebook) about ppd after her 2nd child. You are very strong to go get help! Alot of people don’t. You are a great mom and will continue to be because you are trying your best. That is all anyone can ask. ((HUGS))
OMG he’s the CUTEST baby ever!