Monday, 30 June 2008

• letting you in on a little secret.

  For the past few years, I've been dealing with an ever-worsening case of social anxiety disorder. When I was first diagnosed, we didn't read too much into the social aspects of my illness, thus I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I blew off treatment, because at the time, I believed it was manageable. It wasn't.
  
  Since then, my social anxiety has become almost unbearable. I have also developed a case of depression, and my panic attacks (that have been with me for years) have become more frequent.
  
  Why am I telling you this? I have no idea. Since putting a name with my "issues" four years ago, I started xanga as an outlet for these fears and feelings.
  
  It's funny to watch myself continue to put myself out there, searching for the approval of people I don't even know, and not getting much feedback in return. I don't know why I read so much into it ...
  
  I enjoy xanga because I CAN still put myself out there. I used to be a highly social person, and it kills me to realize that I can barely look people in the eye anymore. That I can't be around more than a person or two without freaking out inside. I don't have to worry about my palms sweating, because you can't see it. It's nice.
  
  ... and please don't think I'm a freak. It doesn't happen all the time. I'm still a functioning member of society. I can still go out. I am highly successful at work. I can be around family and friends ... I just have an internal struggle that debilitates my mind; one that most people don't even pick up on ... yet.
  
  Here's information I've pulled from different websites:
  
  

  Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions.
  
  These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny by others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, considerable difficulty can be encountered overcoming it.
  
  Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing, sweating, crying, trembling, palpitations, nausea and stammering. Panic attacks may also occur under intense fear and discomfort.
  
  An early diagnosis may help in minimizing the symptoms and the development of additional problems such as depression.
  
  Social phobics experience dread over how they will be presented to others. They may be overly self-conscious, pay high self-attention after the activity, or have high performance standards for themselves.
  
  According to the social psychology theory of self-presentation, a sufferer attempts to create a well-mannered impression on others but believes he or she is unable to do so. Many times, prior to the potentially anxiety-provoking social situation, sufferers may deliberate over what could go wrong and how to deal with each unexpected case.
  
  After the event, they may have the perception they performed unsatisfactorily. Consequently, they will review anything that may have possibly been abnormal or embarrassing. These thoughts do not just terminate soon after the encounter, but may extend for weeks or longer.
  
  Those with social phobia tend to interpret neutral or ambiguous conversations with a negative outlook and many studies suggest that socially anxious individuals remember more negative memories than those less distressed.
  
  An example of an instance may be that of an employee presenting to his co-workers. During the presentation, the person may stutter a word upon which he or she may worry that other people significantly noticed and think that he or she is a terrible presenter. This cognitive thought propels further anxiety which may lead to further stuttering, sweating and a possible panic attack.
  
  Social anxiety disorder is a persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be humiliating or embarrassing.
  
  It exceeds normal "shyness" as it leads to excessive social avoidance and substantial social or occupational impairment. Feared activities may include almost any type of social interaction, especially small groups, dating, parties, talking to strangers, restaurants, etc. Physical symptoms include "mind going blank", fast heartbeat, blushing, stomach ache.
  
  Cognitive distortions are a hallmark, and learned about in CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy). Thoughts are often self-defeating and inaccurate.
  
  Minor avoidance behaviors are exposed when a person avoids eye contact and crosses arms to avoid recognizable shaking.
  

  
  
  If you know someone struggling with anxiety, depression or panic disorder, don't try to deal with it on your own. It will turn into something worse, something even more difficult to manage. GET HELP. Talk to your doctor about medication options, or other ways to deal with the disease.
  
  If nothing else, just talk to someone. Be open about how you're feeling, especially during an episode. It helps, I promise.
  

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