November 20, 2008
-
Leaving home.
Sorostitutes. Party girls. Sluts. With stigmas like these, why would anyone want to join a sorority? Ever since I was young, those stereotypes were drilled into my head. I had goals and ambition; why would I want to degrade myself to be liked?
When I came to college, however, that stereotype was broken for me. I realized that the word “sorority” was not synonymous with brainless or slut, but with words like compassion, sisterhood and loyalty.Kappa Delta opened up my heart and mind to the idea of joining a sorority. After meeting all the girls, I instantly fell in love with the idea of belonging to something bigger than myself. These girls seemed to have a purpose; ideals that far exceeded my expectations.
Finding a homeI was lucky enough to go through recruitment with my best friend, Sara. I don’t know what I would have done without her. While we were scared and a little apprehensive going through, it was exciting for us both.
The worst part was the wait for our bid. It was the most nail-biting hour of my life! I started questioning if it was what I really wanted to do. After all, was I completely sure that I wanted to commit myself to something this big? I was busy enough as it was. Why did I need to add more to my plate? I knew that if I didn’t receive a bid, it would be for the best, no matter how disappointed I may be. But if I did, then it would be a sign. When the call came, I was extended a bid. Elation couldn’t even describe it.
I was immediately accepted into Kappa Delta with open arms to embark on my next journey: the New Member period.
The next step
My New Member period lasted six weeks. Through that time, I met some amazing women, including my “pledge dawgs.” We learned so much about Kappa Delta, and about each other. Each of us were different, and yet, exactly the same. We came to Kappa Delta for a reason: to bleed green. And with the help of our New Member educator and SET leaders, I believe all 10 FOCUS girls did just that.My favorite memory of my New Member time was our retreat. It was a chance for my “pledge dawgs” and I to get to really know one another better. There’s nothing like locking girls in a room overnight so that they can start being real, instead of what they think they should be like. I was always told that retreat would be one of the best things to experience as a New Member (aside from Initiation), but I didn’t really understand why until after becoming an active sister. This was a time for innocence. Before you knew the inner workings of everything you were striving to become. A time to get to know one another without pretense. We walked in 10 individuals, but we walked out Females Of Christianity Under Sisterhood. I will take away more than anyone will ever know from that experience.
A bond eternal
Before I knew it, White Rose week was upon us. I was starting to feel the pressure of all that was before me. I didn’t know if I could really make it through the week. I had passed my New Member exam on the first try. I was in love with the ideals of Kappa Delta, but was I prepared to give myself wholly to them? I was so scared that with everything else I had going on, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. At the last possible moment, I was ready to quit. It took some stern talking-to’s by my New Member sisters to make me stay and go through with it. I had a purpose in Kappa Delta, even if I hadn’t realized it yet. When I went through my second function, I knew I had made the right decision to stay. The green had started to flow through my veins and I couldn’t make it stop now, even if I wanted to.Disaster Strikes
Becoming a full-fledged sister of Kappa Delta is great. You get to see all the behind-the-scenes stuff and fully understand why things are the way they are, and have been since 1897. I knew that since I stayed, I needed to give back as much as I had been given. I had applied to be a SET leader (Sisterhood Enrichment Team) and was chosen. I kept up on my dues, and participated in as much as I could. I was elected Assistant Public Relations chair. As the responsibilities came pouring in, I believed that I could handle it all. After all, I was a master at balancing everything. Then I got my unwanted wake-up call. It all started going downhill in August. I found myself in multiple leadership positions around campus, not to mention my two in Kappa Delta. I was a Senior. I had other responsibilities. It was so nerve wracking for me to try to balance everything and still be a good sister to my sisters.
I missed our Spirit week and most of recruitment because of prior commitments to work. I knew that some girls were starting to get upset that I wasn’t around. Maybe some thought that I was just avoiding my responsibility to the chapter. I don’t know. I do know that I would beat myself up daily because I couldn’t be the woman I promised I would be for them.
After recruitment, it got better for a time. I was performing my SET leader duties, which kept me busy and content. It was so fulfilling for me to help girls see the ways of Kappa Delta, and to see the light in their eyes as they began to grasp all the things that I believed in. I even took a little sister, which was a great decision for me. I wanted to share with her my Kappa Delta and I did just that. She was the best thing for me at the time. Then, the unthinkable happened. I had to step away from it all. I had suffered a nervous breakdown.
A girl shattered
Breakdowns are never easy, nor are they easy to admit to. Ever since I was a child, I was the rock. I could do anything. I always had perfect grades and could balance anything that was thrown at me. Even at community college, I worked full-time, went to school full-time, and was president of my honors society. But somewhere between then and now, I had lost my Superwoman powers.
I was crying everyday. I couldn’t participate at all, with the exception of our weekly chapter. I was making myself worse because I would worry about me not being at things. To top it all off, I was under intense pressure from the school newspaper where I am an editor, as well as my six other extra-curriculars.
School seemed to be kicking my butt and for once, I needed to really focus on my work. I was sick all the time, and couldn’t sleep. My hair had even started to come out because of stress. I couldn’t take it anymore. After much consideration, I had applied to go inactive. It wasn’t that I didn’t love being in Kappa Delta, it was that I couldn’t live like I had been anymore.
Closing the door, but not locking it
Luckily, I was granted inactive status for my last semester in college. While I know that this is going to be the best thing for me, I am so disappointed in myself. I feel like I’m quitting and in the process, letting everyone down. But, I will always be a Kappa Delta, even if I won’t be there for the day-to-day things.
I have so many memories, most good, some bad, but ultimately, I have found my home. When I was lost, I stumbled up the back steps, and was taken in whole-heartedly. Now, as I leave, I will be walking out the front door with my head held high, knowing that I will always be welcome to come back.
-AOT-
Comments (31)
my mom does not want me joining a fraternity cuz of…probably the drinking….>_>;
“When
I came to college, however, that stereotype was broken for me. I
realized that the word “sorority” was not synonymous with brainless or
slut, but with words like compassion, sisterhood and loyalty.”
The opposite was true for me… both my parents were Greek and loved it. My whole life I’d heard that being Greek was great, but once I got to college, I found out that the only people who go Greek are shallow, boring conformists at best. At worst, fraternities are institutions of organized crime.
I wrote about this once.
But it’s different on every campus. I don’t mean to say you’re wrong about your campus, just that at mine, it’s very very bad. I’m glad that you enjoyed yours. At the first college (out of three) that I’ve attended, there was one fraternity I discovered that was honestly doing great things, and I was planning on joining, had I not transferred.
@anaraug - It is different on every campus, and even in every sorority. Mine was great, but that’s not to say that others didn’t feed into the stereotype.
During my time in college, I was an RA as well, and had to deal with fraternity-to-fraternity fights, drug busts, alcohol poisoning, hazing, and an attempted shooting. It’s not all happy sunshine and smiles … there is the potential for a dark side as well.
(BTW, I’m heading over to your post now!)
it’s all Greek to me…
but i do know people who were in frats/sororities in grad school that had really cool experiences.
one of the reaasons i chose my college was because of the fact they don’t have a greek system. with all due respect, i hate the very notion of it.
compassion, sisterhood and loyalty describe my sisterhood experience as well. I went Greek in college (Alpha Phi) and I don’t think you can completely understand or explain the bonds of sisterhood to those who didn’t experience. It’s not at all like Hollywood shows it to be. It’s because of my sorority that I learned to find my voice, gain my independence and believe in myself. I could go on and on the number of ways going Greek helped me mature as a person.
Awwww. I loved reading this. I was like you at first, and ended up a Pi Beta Phi. It was a really positive experience, and I still enjoy alumnae events here, in an entirely different state and with a whole new group of women. : )
@anaraug - Also keep in mind, most fraternities (generally speaking) have a very different mission than sororities generally do. They are across the board far less organized and disciplined in the day-to-day matters of grades, meetings, dress codes, personal responsibility and accountability.
@SecretNeverTold - Yeah, I admit I’m much more acquainted with frats… because I’m a boy. No one should probably listen to anything I say.
This was really great. I had always thought about joining a sorority, but I always questioned if it was the right thing for me or not.
Wow. It seems like you had an awesome sorority. Im sorry to hear what you had to go through, though.
It is nice to know that there are some good sororities out there… (unlike where I went to school!)
wow.
I want to read this! But I haven’t had the time to, and still don’t know, but I will get to it!
you all look drunk…..
No, I wouldn’t join aa soroity, not that interesting.
I’m a Theta Phi Alpha.
I, too, had those visions about sororities until I joined one. Some ARE like that, but not all.
@deathtothenewworldorder - LOL, nope, no alcohol at all. It was 4am and we caught our second wind …
@BarelyJen - aww, ok. Second wind….haha. Gotta love second winds.
sorry that you had to go through all of that. i would never join a sorority. seems like too much trouble.
That is really awesome! The sororities around the University I went too didn’t seem to be like that at all, but I can’t judge because I was just looking from the outside.
Either way, I wish I went to university in the US, because we don’t really have sororities up in Canada.
Not gonna lie, I would be mostly interested in it to party, but I think it’s a good way to feel like you have family when you are away from home. I would rather live there than live in dorms, or on my own in an apartment off campus. More freedom, more getting up to no good
I honestly never had that experience. I didn’t go to college. Funny thing considering the job I now have, most people probably wouldn’t even realize I’m not educated beyond high school. I sometimes wish I had that experience but at the same time, I’m happy I had the experiences I had in place of college. Maybe one day I’ll tell that story…
Great blog! Very beautiful post…
Excellent post.
This is different. For me the idea of joining a Greek organization wasnt that simple. Its slightly different for a HB organization. To put it short, i am glad i stayed away! Its good to see that you had a great experiance. I’ve heard stories and met people that would make me stay far away from fraternal organizations!
I’m glad you had such great experiences with a sorority. I never wanted to be in a sorority, but people kept trying to force me. The sororities at my college sucked, as a whole they were shallow, they didn’t accept anyone overweight or remotely different looking than themselves. That and they made commitments to the community and didn’t come through in the end. It not only made the sorority look bad, but our college also.
I’m sorry that you had to go through so much, but I wish you the best of luck.
A home is a difficult thing to find. Good for you
I have ALWAYS wanted to be in a sority. Not becasue I thought it would be kewl to be one of the mindless sluts, but because I’ve always wanted to fit in instead of being the weird girl. *shrugs*
I’ve never been a sorority type because I just have too many other responsibilities although I ‘joined’ an honors sorority for my college. I liked the idea though but having a baby is not conducive to living in a ‘dorm’ but my brother loved his fraternity they were all loud obnoxious keggers but they were hella smart genuinely good guys
“KKG you know!” Thats right. I was a sorostitute too. BUT, I would have to agree… don’t knock it till you try it. Most sororities are not bad…. but there are some. Thats why you go in with an open mind, and pick the one that fits you and your dreams. There are so many open doors in life that were locked before i personally joined. I am a TOM boy so the fact that I could find a place should give other women hope, that they too can find somewhere they belong!
Very interesting journey of young life. Lucky for us that the Uni and college in our cuontry do not have this kind of thingy.
Wow, very interesting. It’s always great to be involved in something you love, and at least you had a while with your sorority. You have to do what makes you happy and healthy, for sure.