April 16, 2010
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A note to (a few) “stay at home” moms.
I went back to work this week. So far, so good, I suppose. Baby’s adjusting well to day care, and mommy’s still adjusting to leaving baby there.
[pause]
I’d like to take a minute to address a few “stay at home” moms I know. Please note: NOT EVERY “stay at home” mom is like this, but a few close to me are.
Oh, the comments I get from some of them! It’s either how much of a blessing it is for them to “raise their child themselves” or they’ll lay on the “how could you leave your baby with strangers?!” guilt. “It’s such a shame you have to leave him every day”, they’ll say. “What if he calls them mommy?”, I’ll get. “I couldn’t imagine going to work until my kids were in school full-time. I didn’t want to miss a moment.”
This is a touchy subject for me, folks. One the one hand, I would love NOTHING MORE than to spend all day staring at, playing with or just generally taking care of my son. I suppose if I were a millionaire, or my husband was the primary breadwinner, we may have had a different situation on our hands. That’s just not our reality.
Besides, what gives you the right to pass judgment on my life? I don’t say anything about yours. We all have cards we’ve been dealt. These are mine.
I don’t want to miss a moment of his life. Sure, in the back of my mind, I worry that he’ll slip up and call one of the women watching him mommy. That is why it is so important that I make every moment that I’m with him count for something. He knows I’m his mommy, and no one can ever take that from us.
Being as meticulous as I am, I interviewed many day cares to find the right fit for us, emotionally and financially. Do I trust the day care? I have to (and do). Does it suck to pay someone else to spend the day with your baby? YES, IT DOES. Is it necessary? ABSOLUTELY.
With all of that said, I find myself career-minded and loving what I do. I enjoy the grown-up interaction I get at work. I like being there (most of the time). The fact that there’s a solution to allow me to “have it all” is quite appealing, wouldn’t you agree?
I don’t think that I am any better than a stay at home mom because I am juggling a job and my child. There is no comparison between us. I absolutely respect the “stay at home” mom. I did it for 8 weeks, and was ready for a major break. What you do every day is WORK, plain and simple. You do things that you don’t always want to do because it’s for the betterment of the family … so do I.
So now, you do your thing; I’ll do mine. At the end of the day, we are doing the best we can by our kids. We just have different means of getting the end result.
Comments (16)
i think its unfair for others to judge your situation. it sounds like youre doing the best you can given your circumstances and you know what? thats what makes you a great mom
Kids have been raised by others so their Mom’s can work for a LONG time.. Shoot, even in tribes they leave the children with aunties and other women for chores etc.. DO NOT let those “friends” of yours who have that luxury of staying home with their kids guilt you about it AT ALL!!! If anything, you get a head start on teaching your baby the importance of being a responsible parent and working to support him and your family in these expensive economic times… He’s beautiful!!
If it were me, I’d tell those other mom’s to politely STFU. Your doing what is best for your child and family. Just because you enjoy having food on the table every night and a roof over your head in a neighborhood you feel safe walking in doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you smart and responsible.
Sure, I would absolutely love to be able to stay at home until my kids were in school full time and be able to have a job that allows me to be home when they are home. But I know that my particular dream may or may not come true. But that is what I want for MYSELF, and definitely NOT what I expect other mothers to want. Each family is different, and the fact that these women are judging you based on your dreams and aspirations is just wrong.
I could understand if you were leaving him with less than reputable people them saying something. But as you said, you’ve researched several day care centers and chosen the one that fits you best. Your being smart about it, therefore they really have no room to judge because it is their PERSONAL PREFERENCE to stay home. Yours is to go back to work and maintain the quality of life you have worked so hard to achieve prior to your son showing up. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Oh and btw, he is downright ADORABLE
You’re doing what you have to do and what is right for your family. The hell with anyone elses opinions! The baby is adorable.
UGH. Don’t even get me started on the guilt trips that my family has been putting me through. All of them were able to “make it work” and stay at home. Do you know someone said to me “How does it feel to have someone else raise your child?” WTF! I am raising my child! Ah! I get so upset over this subject. People can be so judgemental and cruel.
I have been a stay at home mom for most of my children’s lives. I wouldn’t hesitate to go to work if necessary. You are doing the best for your situation and no one has the right to point fingers at anyone.
1. I would like to point out that from like month 5 my son went to another home every other weekend and was being held, loved and watched by another woman (some times several) and never once mistook any of those other women for his mother. I tell you this in hopes that it reassures you that your child KNOWS that you are his/her mother. (I have long since had this fear and it has been put to rest because my son tells me all that time that no one can replace his mommy!)
2. I have had to work since my son was 1 month old out side of the home. I agree with lizheartshakespeare that your friends or others need to STFU. You are doing what you can and need to do to make your family’s lives the best that they can be. Yes the ideal situation would be if all of us mothers could and would stay home all the time. BUT some of us can’t and don’t wanna! I was a stay at home mom with my son for 3 months a little over 2 years ago and honestly – I love him dearly – but I NEED the outside interaction with other ADULT humans. The only way this would ever be able to be a good situation for me is if I was rich and we would be free to do what ever, when ever we wanted.
All in all – I’m glad that you aren’t being brought down by the things that people are saying. It is good that you can realize that they are just being judgmental and aren’t seeing the whole picture as they should be trying to do. Not everyone is the same and never will be. Stay at home moms deserve respect, as they are doing a hard job. BUT working mothers are doing a hard job and deserve respect also!
I’m not a parent yet (obviously) but when I do have kids, my reality is probably going to be the same as yours. I don’t want to be judged for trying to ensure that I have enough resources to take care of my kids. I’d love to be a stay at home mom but we are probably not going to have that luxury.
Even now where I’m just about to get married, I’ve already had questions about what I’m going to do about my career when I have kids. Like you, I want it all!
People are crazy! I went back to work after 3 weeks and got such crap for it! =(!
Amen! I think you definitely need some Lorie time. How is next weekend looking? Should’ve come this weekend, but that’s a LONG story. Miss you, sweetikins!
Don’t worry about what others say, they always have something to say that’s negative. I can totally understand that you have to work, and your baby will too. It’s actually good to get him/her started with other people, that way, as he/she grows up, it’ll be more adjusted to being with others and it will be easier. You’re a great mom, there’s no way it’ll forget who it’s mommy is. :)
I never doubt that you will do what is best for your family and your child. Don’t let them get you down.
I was a bit of a latch-key kid, and turned out to be much more self-sufficient than many of my peers who grew up being hovered over by their stay-at-home moms.
I know my mom did the best she could to love us and raise my brothers and I to be good, respectable adults. And I think she did a good job.
Don’t let them bother you… I’m sure you’re a great mom… from a future stay at home dad… much love…
how’s the baby doing?
Xanga misses you!
Things work differently for everybody. You have to do what works for you!
P.S. – ur son is such a cutie face!